A Forever Love: My Letter to Kya, My Dearest Soulmate Dog

Kya passed away on June 16th, 2019. The day she left this world, a piece of my heart went with her. Every single day since then, I feel her absence, a deep ache that I know will never truly fade. This is my letter to her, a collection of all the words I wish I could have whispered in her ear before she departed. These are the poignant memories that flooded my mind as we drove, desperately trying to make it back in time to say a final goodbye. These are the thoughts that drifted in and out of my sleep during the long, mournful journey home. She truly was my soulmate, an irreplaceable presence in my life.

My dearest Kya,

Every morning I wake up, the world feels a little more hollow, a touch quieter since you left it. The joyful thumping of your tail on the bed as I began to stir from sleep is gone, replaced by an unsettling stillness. There are no more ecstatic howls of welcome as I unlock the door after coming home, not even if I was just out of the house for a mere five minutes. The basement, once alive with the playful wrestling of dogs and barks of excitement at the hint of any game, now feels profoundly empty. Your absence isn’t just a void; it’s a silent echo in every corner of my home, a constant reminder of the vibrant life that once filled these spaces.

Without you, the world is undeniably a little more empty now. The vibrant colors seem dulled, the laughter a bit softer, the silence more pronounced. You took a piece of the world’s joy with you.

I still remember, with vivid clarity, the very first day I held you in my arms. You were a tiny eight-week-old bundle of fur and boundless energy. As I sat with you in the backseat, driving home to our new life together, you certainly made your presence known. Within minutes, you managed to both throw up and pee all over the place – quite the dramatic entrance! But then, in true Kya fashion, you promptly attempted to crawl into my lap for the final five minutes of the ride, whining softly, as if apologizing for the chaos and seeking comfort. Your grand, albeit messy, introduction into my life was truly unforgettable, setting the stage for a lifetime of memorable moments.

When it came time for your crate training at night, I couldn’t bear the thought of you feeling scared or alone in a new environment. So, every evening, I would lie down on the floor beside your kennel, my hand reaching through the wire to hold your tiny paw. It was in those quiet, tender moments, with your soft fur nestled in my palm, that our bond truly began to solidify. I wanted you to know you were safe, loved, and never alone. Those early nights established a foundation of trust and affection that deepened with every passing year, creating an unbreakable connection between us.

You even loved Christmas almost as much as I do, right from your very first one. Your adoration for the sparkling Christmas tree and its twinkling lights was infectious. But your absolute favorite part was undoubtedly your stocking. Every year, I would lovingly stuff it with new toys and delicious treats, a secret ritual I performed with joy. Primarily because the moment I put anything in there, you somehow knew. Your eyes would light up, and you’d immediately try to get into it, tail wagging furiously, embodying the pure, unadulterated excitement of the holiday season. Those festive memories with you are some of my most cherished.

I’ve never bonded with another living thing the way I bonded with you, my dear sweet girl. You became a part of my heart and soul in such a profound, undeniable way. Through every challenge, every joy, every quiet moment, you just, knew me. You understood my unspoken feelings, my fears, and my happiness, offering comfort and companionship in a way no human ever could. This deep, intuitive connection transcended words, making you truly my soulmate dog.

You were my best friend, my confidante, and at every turn, I could rely on you implicitly. I remember the way you would snuggle me the moment I came home from a job I absolutely despised. Your warm presence and gentle nuzzles were the only things that could soothe the stress of those grueling days. Then there was that first Christmas Eve when I was sick as a dog, alone at home, missing all the holiday celebrations. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, we cuddled all night, watching Love Actually and sleeping together on the couch, your steady breath a comforting presence against my chest. You turned a lonely, miserable night into a cherished memory of quiet companionship and unconditional love.

When I made the daunting decision to quit my job and was struggling immensely to build a business from scratch, all while navigating a difficult divorce and completely changing my life, you were there every single moment. You were my rock, my silent supporter. Every time I shed a tear, feeling overwhelmed and uncertain, you were there instantly to lick it off my face, your warm tongue a gentle reassurance that I wasn’t alone. When I wasn’t feeling well, whether physically or emotionally, you would snuggle deeply into me, radiating that unique “Kya comfort” that always made everything a little bit better. Your unwavering presence during those tumultuous years wasn’t just companionship; it was a lifeline, a constant source of strength and boundless love.

I think one of my favorite things, a small ritual that brought immense joy, was how you loved to be wrapped up in your dog blanket every single night. It was a cherished tradition. I would carefully throw the blanket over you, and with a delicate precision, you would tuck your nose just under it, curling into an adorable ball of absolute cuteness. Then, you would let out that signature big sigh, the one you always gave when you found true comfort and contentment. In those moments, watching you nestled so perfectly, my heart would feel whole and utterly content. It was a simple act, yet it symbolized so much of the peace and happiness you brought into my life.

Through every high and low, through a few different house moves, and even meeting Otis, who quickly became your mischievous little brother, you were resilient no matter what. You adapted to new environments, embraced new companions, and faced every change with a quiet strength and unwavering spirit. Your steadfast nature was a constant source of inspiration.

Your personality was so incredibly big, so vibrant and full of life, that’s probably why it feels like there is such a giant, gaping hole in my life now. The silence is deafening, the absence palpable. You were a sassy little one, always finding a way to get what you wanted, and I was only too happy to give everything to you. My greatest desire was to give you all the happiness in the world, to shower you with love and joy every single day of your precious life. It utterly kills me, a pain that gnaws at my soul, that I lost the opportunity to say goodbye to you properly before you went.

Oh, how I wanted to hold you tightly in my arms one last time and express my profound gratitude for everything you brought into my life. I would have pet your soft fur, snuggled you close, and comforted you with every fiber of my being in those final, precious hours. You would have heard me telling you, over and over, how much I love you and how I would miss you every single day, forever and always. I would have told you how incredibly proud I was of your immense strength, how valiantly you fought for so long against the cancer that eventually took you from me. The thought of you facing that moment without my touch, without my voice, without my comfort, breaks my heart into a million pieces.

But you couldn’t hold on, my brave, sweet love, and I know, deep in my heart, that it’s not your fault. I truly believe you tried, with every ounce of your being, to hang on just a little longer, to give me the chance to say goodbye. Kya, I just hope you knew, in those final moments, that we did absolutely everything in our power to get there. We drove frantically, pushing every limit, trying so, so hard to reach you. The thought that we weren’t there when you needed us most is a burden I will carry always.

You always stayed so strong for me, providing comfort and resilience through all of my life’s trials. I only wish I could have been there, at the very end, to return that favor, to offer you the same unwavering strength and comfort that you so generously gave to me for so many years.

I hope you knew, with every fiber of your being, how incredibly much I love you. I will always love you, my sweet Kya bear. You will forever be my baby girl, my first and only baby girl, the precious canine companion who shaped my life in ways I never imagined. I will carry you with me, in my heart and my memories, every single day until we meet again. I love you, Kya. Always and forever.